1:05pm :: Tired. Gotta stop the drinking. No drinking tonight. I'm going to sleep as soon as I get home. Hopefully I'll leave at like 2:30 today. I'm eating this shit called "Twigs." It's supposed to be cheese/sesame flavoured, but you can't taste either. But apparently, they have a "bold new look." Well, I wasn't aware of their old look, so I shouldn't say anything. I should call Julia soon, I should meet with her again. Maybe? Sleep still impending. Never noticed the quote in the liner notes on Airbag/How Am I Driving EP, can't remember the author's name though now. I'd like to read his book. Pallavi left for India today. She wanted a picture with me before she left; seemed nervous as always. I don't know, yo. We were supposed to have band practice last night, only Vic and Thad showed up. We'll get together on Saturday, to take some time come down your way. Damn, even this is boring today.

12:47am :: Technically Wednesday. I came up with, and drew a storyboard for a Flash intro for the college tonight. Caffeine sometimes brings out better ideas in men. By the way, my car passed inspection. I am amazing! Not really, my car still sucks, but I gave it a pat on the back. Don't forget to brush your teeth. Bought magazines from a half-scam artist named Tiffany today. Donated them to Texas Children's. Tax write-off? Not legally, but that doesn't mean I won't still do it. $30 (I paid $25 though). Magazines suck ass. There are a few news magazines that I like; such as Time, Newsweek. But damn: Maxim, Playgirl, US News & World Report. What kind of bullshit is that? I wouldn't mind an interesting outdoor magazine. Maybe one catered towards the young, dissociative, poor, urbanite college male. No, not me! Definitely putting a Boc song in that Flash movie. I was thinking "Pete Standing Alone" since it's fairly mellow, but not too mellow. Plus it's an absolutely amazing song. Not tired at all now. What's going on with that? The need to urinate will hit soon and the caffeine + tanins will be gone. Meaning: crash. Should leave a little before that. It's cool being here this late though. It's funny because this Flash movie will probably look better, but is less tedious than the Board of Advisors one that I'm still working on. Man, that thing is just pissing me off. The fucking scrolling text wouldn't work for some reason, and then it kept resizing the text on one of the bios and I couldn't change it. It's a really frustrating program, but maybe I just need to read a book. Book? Yes, yes. New CoT Holiday page up. If you read this before 1-4-02 :: click. Sent Fudge Island Packers an email asking which island I should go to. No response yet, so I may have to call. I have to call to reserve anyway, yo. I need to discuss this with Julia though. Where the hell is she? Where are my M&M's? What do you mean I don't have any? I distinctly remember buying a one pound brown bag of regular M&M's at Wal-Mart. What does that mean? That begs the question; how many cheese-oriented snack food products does the Nabisco/Kraft corporation produce and/or market within the United States? They need some sort of Alaska-oriented food, but not fish. Maybe jerky, or granola. Kraft? No, anyone. There is just a demand for this product. I'll think about this, could be profits-a-plenty. Write Kraft? No, they'd steal my idea and shoot me. Same people as the tobacco guys, remember. Control the fucking legal system, up and down, inside and out. Screw this.

11:02am :: Ryan Hartley. UH student, one year younger than I am. Climbed to the 26th story of Williams Tower and leaped off, as if in a last worldly rappel. They showed him push off on tv, but did not show the fall or him striking the ground. Tv will not repeat death, you have to catch it live. Story. Why am I so interested in this? Not only because of the reasonable similarities between us, but because he apparently three notes behind, none of them suicide notes. I heard one was about religion and the other was about avoiding another Vietnam in Iraq. It's strange because I've thought of this before; jump off of a building or an overpass strapped with five or six notes. You can only really be noticed and truly be alive in death, people in their grief will try to get to know you once you are gone. People have short-attention spans, so if you don't leave only notes about what you feel is important and what you would like to hear as opposed to a suicide note, than that is what they will pay attention to. Some kind of morbid human reaction. It interests me because he was trying to say something, and as it goes, your legacy is what makes your life worth something. He also worked at Texas Rock Gym, where I had gone climbing a month ago. I thought I might recognize him, but I didn't. I guess he wasn't working when I was there. Mental problems? Just a cover, our society can't accept a seemingly-senseless suicide; someone deliberately opting out. "Oh, he was obviously distraught; he killed himself." Why can't we just let people die peacefully, follow their own last wishes? It's all about free will. ANYWAY

Britney anyone?

Work? I redesigned the menu system. It's booty-liscious. No, not really. Got all the BOC Peel Session stuff on mp3 now. I just can't get over how awesome they are. Hi Scores should come in the mail soon. Oh yeah, Julia's boyfriend is supposed to come into town this weekend. I'm sure he'll want to meet me. Make sure there won't be any monkey-business on the way over. It's understandable, I would do the same thing. But of course, I'm a jealous, manipulating, over-bearing son-of-a-bitch. Hey, at least I can admit it. By the way, Photoshop guide lines suck ass; they don't work properly and always overlap when you use them with the selection tool. Anyway. A gnat landed in my water cup last night. That bastard, now my water will feel dirty. Inspection today, maybe. Hopefully my tail light will allow me to pass. It's not out, but it seems like it's dimmer than it should be, so I don't know what the hell is going on. Damn it, I want a car for Christmas. Anything man, how about a Focus? I don't care if they are the new Beretta (young white trash car), I just want something that doesn't make metal noises when I accelerate. Laptop computer? Yes, I overheard you. Thanks, but I wanted to wait a year so that it wouldn't be outdated. Oh well, I'll accept it with glee. Kraft...1...2...3...go go go.

1:35pm :: Work is boring now. I have stuff to do, but I have no desire to do any of it. A lot of tedious crap. Anyway, I do not rock. Not in any way. I was making what I think should be the Rx web site. I want to put as much weird shit on there as possible while still maintaining the navigability. What's that? No more bacon? We need a bigger bowl then! Right away! I'm not going to write anymore than this. I was thinking of places in singapore yesterday: Farrer Road at Bukit Timah. Britney Loves Pro-Tools coming up!

1:15pm :: On A Sunday, I think it through. Had some fun last night. I played two songs in the jukebox that were over 10 minutes long. That's called getting the most out of your dollar. Not to mention there was the box lady, and Thad's heroin mama. Maybe that's what I needed. The bands were fucking loud, loudest show I've been to in quite a while. My ears are still messed up. Music wasn't too good though, we left a little early. What ever happened to old fashioned love and affection? Over-romanticized and turned into cliche. What's that all about? Still waiting for my grades. All I know is that I made an A in the class that I knew I would make an A in. Woodlands today? Yes yes. No excuses. LA will be in about 1 1/2 weeks. Awesome. I think it's nice not to sit dangling from a telephone wire. What about the walls of the mind? What kind of stupid posters would they have on them? Probably a puppy in a meadow. A puppy is simply a metaphor for children. We like those cute and little things. I think I would paint my walls blue, and don't forget that sticker: KILL WHITEY! Someone has to do it, eventually. Cultural procrastination? What is that all about? Integration of the self into the conscience? Maybe that too. Or maybe that's just "id." Alright, screw this.

9:55pm :: Speaking of Lawson Creek, fucking Kroger raised the price a dollar. What's that shit all about? I got Moosehead tonight. #4 now. What are you doing home, you skank? Why don't you get out and do something? What the fuck am I going to do? Go to a club? Go cruising? Screw that! OKAY! Here's the plan for Christmas:

December 26: Leave Houston with Julia behind me driving to Austin's Bergstrom Airport. Leave my car in the economy lot, $6/day. Continue driving to Los Angeles. Return on January 2nd to Austin. Pick up my car, go hiking in various State of Texas facilities. Return to Houston about Jan 4.
In Los Angeles, I will do lots of cool shit. Santa Monica Pier, Angeles Nat'l Forest, a little island called Anacapa (maybe another one of the Channel Islands though), maybe Universal Studios. Stay with Julia's rich new boyfriend in Beverly Hills, eat in expensive restaurants paid for by others. What kind of life is that? It's the life of Colin, god damn it! The ultimate fucking slacker. The guy who owns none of the furniture in his apartment. The guy who passes off thrift store outfits as new. You cheap son of a bitch! Maybe, but I think it will be fun. On the way: White Sands, Mt. Graham, Saguaro. I want to show her these things. She needs to see this country before she ignores it. I need to just see it again. I want to have picture taken rolling down a dune at White Sands (Tyler fucked up before and didn't take the picture, and all I got as a memory was sand in my wallet for a month). Talk about Beautiful Place Out in the Country though. Damn. All of that shit is amazing. So, I am looking forward to it. Wrote Laura an email tonight while fairly drunk. Hopefully she'll resopnd, I'd like to keep in contact with her. I've lost contact with so many others from Shanghai.
btw, I have a picture for December now, I just need to scan it. This will happen tomorrow. ALSO, look for a Flash movie REAL soon on here that I'll be doing.

4:35pm :: Why no response? Well, exams are finally over, which means that the semester is finally over. Now I just sit back and wait for the grades to roll in. The DISC 3301 exam went pretty well. I knew how to answer every question. I might have missed two or three. Today? Today it's nothing but mushrooms. I came home about 3 in order to trip. What's it like? Well, they sat out for about 6 months, so they kind of lost their punch, but it's still cool. Listening to some ambient electronic music, looking at some amazing images. What more could you ask for? Christmas trip? Still somewhat unsure. Apparently Julia has a finance is LA now, so I might not go with her after all. Which is probably for the best. I'd like to get out and do my own thing on the cold plains. Finally learned Flash. Doing a whole concept takes a lot of time. There are still mounds that I don't know, but I'm sure I'll learn it. I knew that I would hit some sort of epiphone and everything would work out fine. Epiphones are nice. I guess I was hoping for more of a trip, similar to Del Rio. I was planning on taking a walk later tonight out to West Gray to look at the lights, but maybe I'll just get my film. Don't be so hasty, sit down and have a drink. Man, something about that Bavaria beer just fucks with you. I didn't even drink much and wasn't drunk but I was so tired this morning. I'll have to stick with cheap bullshit, like Lawson Creek Red Ale. $4 for a six pack, can't beat it. It doesn't taste too bad either. Nothing insightful to say now. Like I said, the trip isn't really that intense; I'm just a little separated from my concious mind. Dont' forget the jerky. I had a dream last night that my neighbor died. I came home and they were wheeling him out on a stretcher. How crazy is that? Some other shit was going on that made a lot less sense. It's that alcohol. "Then I have to leave, and I feel sad, then I turn into the sad me." Sesame Street is crazy. Boards of Canada is amazing.

8:20pm :: Cold hands and lots of caffeine make for troubled typing. Hung out at Starbucks to study Behavioral Finance. Pretty nice. I noticed the contrasts between the laughable neighboring Starbucks on West Gray: the one on the north side of the street has a drive-thru and has a white exterior, while the south side has black exterior. Still laughable. Weird people though. I realized tonight what the Christmas season in our culture really is: cues to the subconscious of happiness, belonging, and attachment. I walked down the expanse of the festive side of West Gray; a kind of frigid and shadowy luminescence. The lights, the displays, the images, and the symbols are all reminders of what behaviors we are all expected to participate in for the next month. The cold air is comforting in this way; kind of reassurance of destitution and reflection, whatever that means. Maybe I'll continue with writing my course feedback thing tonight. I'm in somewhat of a reflective mood.

Question? Why do I insist on shaving? Because I think that I wouldn't look good with facial hair. But what does that mean: "look good?" The fact is that this is simply a function of what our culture defines as "attractive" and "beautiful." Beauty is so unbelievably subjective that I don't think it's possible to understand all of the variations on it. Ask someone to name off things that they would consider beautiful and I think some of the first things that they'll mention are all tangible: a sunset, prolific colors, the waves cresting the beach, or maybe even a particular face. Why not a love, an emotion, or a particular perception? "Oh yeah!"

"One silver drop is all you need, to put a hole in your head of 2000 degrees." How dark is that? Only a junky could write that. I can't believe Lennon wrote "Happiness is a Warm Gun." It's such a cynnical song. But I suppose deep down, he was always a pessimist. I realized tonight that we have many ways of describing hurt and pain, but few to describe happiness and good feeling. Are we all inherently depressed? Yes. We all have such low self-confidence. Even those whom we might consider arrogant or egocentric are most likely hiding themselves behind this lack of self-faith. Now are you scared? Why does a dark wind outside invoke feelings of imminent danger? Regression to childhood fears, or just a perceptual avoidance of the unknown? John O'Grady theorized (and he probably was not the first to do so) that the reason we have names for mountains and dark areas on maps is because we are so afraid of what have no control over, and in order to take control, we must put some sort of underlying meaning on everything which we see no meaning in. Darkest Africa. What's that all about? God is just a boogie man, just like Santa Claus. He's there so that we have a reason to be ethical, when in truth we don't except to satiate our conscience. So, as they say, "You are your own god in your deepest indentity." But what is your deepest identity? Is it that portion of your unconcious self that you are always utilizing to make decision, but can never analyze objectively? Psychology is such bullshit.

5:03pm :: What? December already? You're just full of shit. Probably should not have drank that much last night, but screw it. Too late. Took the final German test, it went okay. I'm thinking A- or B+ but we'll see. Finish my homework tonight. I wish I could drive to Galveston still, but oh well. Not really enough time. Maybe we should have had band practice this week. Nah. What ever happened to Clarence King? He sounds interesting. I might read some of his stuff next, or maybe I'll read that book on Tesla. What do you think? Oh yeah? Damn. Got an email from a photographer that takes naked pictures of men "for his own collection." Apparently he saw my profile on MSN and didn't get the joke. I guess this will happen quite a bit. What ever happened to lies? Why all this truth? Looked up stuff on Caprock and Palo Duro. Getting more excited. Not that much longer I think. Just three more tests. Lunch on Thursday with my dad. He wants to get the bed. Work? Yes, I'll work. Nice day, isn't it?